Obedience

OBEDIENCE

CONTROL

My 3 year old needs to obey me. First time. But she usually wants to be in control and do her own thing.

Oh, that sounds so familiar. I, too, need to obey God. First time. But I struggle for the desire to be in control and do my own thing.

I have a high need for control. Which, (usually) I consider a strength. With a large family, there is a lot that needs to be kept under control to keep chaos from reigning. However, a very wise friend told me once that 'our weaknesses are often just our strengths carried to the extreme.' That has really stuck with me since my high need to keep things under control can lead to some not so pretty manifestations of my character. (I'm working on it.)

So, where is this all going? Why do I feel the need to confess my weaknesses to all on the world wide web? Remember my post titled, 'Happy Birthday Anna!'? In that post I said the following:

"Anna is an amazing blessing to our family. She is also a direct result of our obedience to God. Long story - you'll have to ask Rich or me about it sometime. Obedience isn't always easy, but it sure has it's rewards."

I've had several people ask me about that so I thought I'd go ahead and elaborate. As I do, remember Obedience and Control.

We'll pick up the story in the summer of 2006. Rebekah (our really strong-willed one) was about to turn one. We had the 4 children that Rich and I wanted. Nice happy family. We had carefully planned the timing of each one. We were in control. Things were going great.

Then I felt the Lord speaking to me - in my reading of His Word, my prayer time with Him, and casual conversations with friends who He used to speak to me. His words to me were, "Give control of your family to Me." I knew what He meant. He wanted us to have more children. And the timing and number was to be up to Him.

So, what did I do? I'd like to say I displayed the First Time Obedience that we work so hard to train our children to do. But I didn't. I argued. (My children would have had an immediate consequence.) I'm so thankful God was patient and persistent with me. I argued that I was getting too old. (MY plan was to be finished with childbearing by age 35. Nice and safe - in control.) I argued that I didn't have the energy. I argued that I was done having 2 year olds in the house and I didn't want to potty train again. And I pulled my trump card. (What a ridiculous statement that is. Do we ever 'trump' God???) I argued that Rich would never go for it.

I never mentioned a word of this to Rich. I prayed. I struggled. I argued some more. I almost bought one of those books that makes a case for letting God plan your family. But I knew they might convince me and I wasn't buying it.

This went on for about 3 months. Again, I never mentioned a word of this to Rich. I really did not want to lose control.

August 22, 2006. Our wedding anniversary. My amazing, thoughtful, sweet, hunk of a husband surprised me with a fabulous dinner downtown Charleston and night at the Wentworth Mansion. Mom and Dad had the kids for the night. Wow! It was fabulous!

So, we're sipping coffee and cramming something really chocolately into an already stuffed stomach when Rich says, "I have something I want to talk to you about. And I don't want you to say anything. Just promise me you'll think it over and pray about it."

Gulp.

He goes on, "I feel that God wants us to give control of our family to Him."

Double gulp. I still get goosebumps thinking about it. God had used the exact same words in speaking to Rich as He had to me. That could only be God. And here my Godly, hunk of a man was doing what I hadn't. He was ready to obey God. First time. Right away, all the way, the happy way.

"OK," I whispered. My trump card was gone.

That was August 22, 2006. Anna Katherine was born May 24, 2007. You all are good enough at science and math to figure out that God acted quickly and was not about to give us a chance to change our minds.

So, Anna is a result of our obedience to God. Delayed obedience on my part. First time obedience on my husband's part.

Why do I fight to keep control over my life? Do I think I have it more together than God? I still have so much to learn. He has shown me how He needs valiant Christian warriors on the frontlines. He wants to grow His Kingdom. I know that. I know what the Great Commission is and I want to fulfill it. I just always wanted to do it on my own terms. (Read - CONTROL) But I now understand that He wants to grow His Kingdom through me. (And Rich.) He wants us to have as many Christian Warriors as we can. He wants us to train them up in the way they should go. He wants to use them to advance His Kingdom. And he wants to use me! What an honor. What a privilege. How could I say no to that? I can't believe I was so selfish. I look back and think what a whiner I was. I just didn't want to have to train another selfish 2 year old. I wanted the proverbial 'me time'. And don't I deserve it??? Whine, whine, whine. God promises over and over in His Word that He will be there for me. He will never let me fall. He's given an amazing leader to this family in Rich. He says that children are a blessing, a rich reward, a heritage. I was thinking in worldly terms that too many children were a burden - too much work, cost too much money and kept me from my #1 goal - the pursuit of the happiness and relaxation of me.

So, that's our story. No, we're not pregnant. At least that we know of.

Thy will be done, Lord. (Matthew 6:10)

Gulp. (I've prayed the Lord's prayer probably a thousand times in my life. Did I ever really mean it???)


Anna (taken by friend and photographer Matt Daniel)